Let's face it. I'm fat.

You would think it would be really easy for me to be all sensitive about Kim's propensity to refer to her need for workout videos and overeaters anonymous and stuff, seeing as how I might outweigh Kim by two or three Kims.
Strangely, I've always been able to put this worry on the the back burner as I have tended to be somewhat active, and the fact that most of you out there would kill or die for my total cholesterol (It was 174 last time I had it checked).
For most of my life so far, 30 years was a good enough run. As I got older 40 seemed good. When I got married, 70 seemed like a good place to stop. Now, I'm 34, and have a little girl on the way, and I'm seeing 80 as a bare minimum. And I am not currently built to run that long.
Somehow, I need to take all the excuses like; stress, that I'm fit for a fat guy, that I have low cholesterol, that I eat low fat food, just too much, all of these justifications I've had, and I need to chuck them. I need to get thinner. And I'm weak, and I can't. I don't know how. I don't even know how to want to know how.
So, that's what accountability is all about, right? Shine a spot light on your sin. I don't care what PC crap you struggle with, the only way you get fat is to be some combination of glutton and sloth. Both of those, last time I read, were sins. I'm a sinner. And, this sin will LITERALLY kill me.
My little girl needs me, folks. And yes, James needs me too, but I'm fairly certain I'll see him to 30. My wife needs me too. But again, I'll probably last a while. But to see my little girl to 30, that's 30 years away. I need to change. I need to lose AT LEAST 100 pounds.
So... I covet your prayers. I seek your advice. I seek your encouragement. Thanks for your help.
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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Online: The Platypus Portal

Caddywampus catastrophe

I've started guest blogging over at the Caddywampus Cafe, because I really like food. My first entry is on a few of my Kitchen Essentials. So come on over.
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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Online: The Platypus Portal

Authentic

Authentic:

• conforming to fact and therefore worthy of belief; "an authentic account by an eyewitness"; "reliable information"


• not counterfeit or copied; "an authentic signature"


• genuine, like the real or original

Authenticity is kind of a theme moving around the blogs that I read right now, and I think it's an interesting subject to examine. How "real" is a blog? Surely some people pour their guts out on their blogs. And surely some people lie about themselves (although I couldn't guess why). Most of us, however, project a measured honesty on our blogs. I know I do, and I'm ok with that.

My blog is authentic in the sense that it's really me, writing about how I really feel. Sure, there are some warts in here. I struggle with controversial subjects in my life. And I wrestle with them here to get other peoples input on my world view. Maybe it helps to loosen some dirt, or shore up some foundation. That remains to be seen. It's a good outlet, and a good way to engage in meaningful dialogue with my blogging friends, most of whom (so far), were real world friends to begin with.

I liken my blog to the "real" me you'd meet in a public place, like a mall. Not my "public persona", because I don't have one. However I don't see anything wrong with running the raw Brian through filters of decency and propriety before projecting it in a public place. Sure, there are parts of me I don't like. And I agree, exposing them to the light makes the darkness flee. The depravity of my soul, however, is something I save for close conversations, with people who I think can help me make that soul a little less depraved. Exposing more of that to the world than I am comfortable with is, in my opinion, counterproductive.

I've mentioned here that, like most men, I'm attracted to pornography. And, like most men who have made the moral decisions I've made, I am uncomfortable with that attraction. I seek to deny it, reduce it, reject it... what ever I can do to help myself be less attracted to it. I think it's evil. It destroys women. It destroys relationships. It promotes unhealthy ideas about sex. And, just like a drug, the satisfaction it offers is hollow, meaningless, and all too fleeting. I think looking at the stuff is a violation of the vows I made to my wife. And... well, I could have stopped when I said it best. It's evil.

The specifics of that struggle, however, won't be mentioned here. Most any man who reads this knows the truth. They know they feelings of filthiness that live where afterglow should be. And, they know a dog returns to it's vomit. I don't think it's productive to get any deeper than that.

So, am I authentic? Well, like all publications, that's for the reader to decide. And, if you really want to get down into the dirt with me, contact me privately. If you think unpacking this subject, or any other, will really help either you or me, I'm ready. Although I am ashamed of my depraved nature, I am not afraid of it.

One last thing... This whole post is self examination and only self examination. I applaud people like Donny, who can put it all out there for people to see. But, I think Donny is a missionary, and his blog seems to live that out right now. I'm not a missionary. At least, not in this medium. I don't think I have to expose EVERYTHING to contribute, and to have that contribution be positive.

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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Online: The Platypus Portal

2007, and My Favorite Blogs #'s 6, 7, 8 & 9

Happy New Year. Brand new year, same ole' crap. 'Nuff said.

I've been reading a few new blogs and an older one that I'd like to mention.

• #6 A New Beginning. This is my friend West's blog. Something that tends to get lost when we talk to people in the world is just how hard this life we've chosen is. A New Beginning is very honest. Uncomfortably so at times. That's what makes it a good read. He updates it semi-regularly, so I check in every few days.


• #7 My friends tend to have two blogs. One personal, and one topical about something we are passionate about. My second blog is Growing up Dad, my blog about becoming a new father. West's second blog is about a subject near and dear to my fat gut. Food.
  #7 has the odd title of The Caddywampus Cafe, and the premise is this. What REAL FOOD can you make with the stuff in your fridge and cupboards, without necessarily having to make a special trip to the store. That has to be one of the most handy subjects, and thus most handy blogs I can think of.


• #8 is the second blog of my friend Tony. Fingerpainting 101 is literally a must read if you are at all interested in participating in a Modern Church Worship Band. And, the debate that goes on is as good as any blog I read, and that's not just because I participate. This one is more like a small but growing community


• #9 is new. My pal Tony's wife Kim has a wonderful breath of fresh air over at Random Series of Events. I always enjoy a clever turn of a phrase, from high language to low brow humor. Kim is actually really good at turning a phrase. She has a great since of humor and see everyday life through a lens I find hysterical. When I once was asked to play bass for a pick up gig with no practice or charts, she quipped that I was something like Kreskin the bass player. If you get that and think it's funny, or you are into that Christopher Guest style humor, you'll love her blog.

Well, my goal for 2007 is more posts than 2006. This is not a lofty goal. See you there.
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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Online: The Platypus Portal